You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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