plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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