I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
