one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
