shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
