grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
