I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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