Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
