whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize