Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize