i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
