fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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