piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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