I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
