I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
