i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
