and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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