Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
