Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
