my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
