this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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