i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize