In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
