i don't like sucking hair
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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