Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
