I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
