I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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