marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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