i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
