At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
