..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
