What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
