I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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