hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
