We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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