I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can I color on your dick again?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
