weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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