I want to walk on stilts...naked
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
