forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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