Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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