I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
