You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize