I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
