I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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