There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
