I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize