super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
