Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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