you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
