Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My feet surprised me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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