I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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