I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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