Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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