dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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