Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
