dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I AM VODKA MAN
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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