I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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