His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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