she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
