I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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