Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
