your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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