you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
