He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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