I seem to have left my pride at pride
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
