I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
