When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
