You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
