have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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