I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
